Some relationships constantly drain your energy, in both obvious and subtle ways. Several types of people will exhaust you or deter you from your path to living a fulfilled life.
The BlamerThis person likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn't working in his life and yet gets energy from complaining and dumping his frustrations on you.
The ShamerThis person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of your or your ideas in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that his criticism is for you own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his.
The DiscounterThis is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often, she has a strong need to be right and can find fault with any position. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.
Since soulful connections require an investment of time and energy, you'll want to choose the people you spend time with wisely. To determine whether a relationship drains you or fuels you, ask yourself the following questions.
- Write down the name of a person in your life.
- Am I able to be myself with this person? Do I feel accepted by him/her?
- Is this person critical or judgmental of me?
- Does the relationship provide an even give-and-take exchange of energy?
- Do I feel upbeat and energized when I'm around this person, or depleted and drained?
- Does this person share my values? My level of integrity?
- Is this person committed to our relationship?
- Can this person celebrate my success?
- Do I feel good about myself when I'm with this person?
I remembered listening to this episode of Oprah when i was in my high school. I reacted in disgust: " What? Toxic friends? Aren't we suppose to love everyone and try to live in peace? "
Needless to say, i am really blessed with great supportive bosom buddies in my yonder years. My pals always have encouraging words , always positive, honest and always believed each one of us have a great potential to achieve great things. We celebrate each others' successes in a grand fashion, never failing to exclaim: " I am so proud of you! " :)
We have our little cafe / mamak / couch sessions, listening and interested in what the other person have to express, uninterrupted. Mutual respect. No one is the center piece, no one the attention seeker, no one the negative criticizer.
No one is put to shame of their weaknesses. The volleyball team in university constantly encourages anyone, everyone to come train with us. We are the most patient bunch, teaching the newcomers and constantly giving encouraging feedback, never giving up or throwing negative criticism and never giving up on anyone. I learnt all these from my volleyball coaches. ( who are my classmates! )
Of course we debate about issues of the world, especially when there's a whole bunch of lawyers between us, but the conversation always ends on a " agree to disagree " note and back to non stop hilarious teasing.
Since i left the safe niche of my bosom buddies, there's always an internal struggle to seek for new friends to similar prototype. Thus, i have learnt the word: 'Unique' and what it really means.
No one is the same.
There are new faces that really splashes bright hues and encourages you to blossom. ( So thankful for these beautiful souls! )
Then there is the toxic being. You asked yourself : If you are slapped once, twice, thrice on the face, will you stand there and let history repeat?
Needless to say, it's unnecessary evil.
Here's a video about: Why women compete with each other.
On another note, from Oprah:
I most want to thank Maya Angelou for helping me to be brave. In my most fearful moments, she has been the one I relied on most, and called first.
Years ago I phoned her complaining about what I've now long forgotten. She shared these words, "Courage is the most important of all th
e virtues, without it, you can practice no other." It takes courage to be kind when others are not. It takes courage to be truthful when a lie might suffice. It takes courage to keep moving forward, when you'd rather quit. I've learned that courage, or opting for bravery, is feeling the fear and still doing what is necessary to overcome it. And in the very act of bravery you don't feel brave but just feel what is true and most real.
Ironically one of my most desolate moments, barely being able to speak in between sobs of despair, I called Maya looking for comfort and sympathy. Instead she sternly chided me, "STOP IT" she said. "Stop your crying right now and say THANK YOU!"
"Why would I say thank you for this?" I said. "Say thank you because you know God, and you know He put a rainbow in every cloud. The rainbow is coming. Say thank you even though you can't see it. It's already there."
So in the worst of times, I still remind myself of that great lesson and say "Thank you"…and then prepare to see the rainbow.
Today's rainbow was post on The Daily Love. I took the dogs out at 6am. Sat quietly under the oaks I call the Apostles, (because 12 of them together form a beautiful canopy). It's my favorite spot to Be.
Came back inside read The Daily Love and found the rainbow.
It was exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded.
Ironically one of my most desolate moments, barely being able to speak in between sobs of despair, I called Maya looking for comfort and sympathy. Instead she sternly chided me, "STOP IT" she said. "Stop your crying right now and say THANK YOU!"
"Why would I say thank you for this?" I said. "Say thank you because you know God, and you know He put a rainbow in every cloud. The rainbow is coming. Say thank you even though you can't see it. It's already there."
So in the worst of times, I still remind myself of that great lesson and say "Thank you"…and then prepare to see the rainbow.
Today's rainbow was post on The Daily Love. I took the dogs out at 6am. Sat quietly under the oaks I call the Apostles, (because 12 of them together form a beautiful canopy). It's my favorite spot to Be.
Came back inside read The Daily Love and found the rainbow.
It was exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded.
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